I have been on pretty much all sides of the Mommy Wars. You know the Mommy Wars. The constant battle over who has it harder and who is in the right. Who is raising their children the right way and who is ruining their children forever. Yes, those Mommy Wars.

I began as the young mom. I married at 18 and had my first son at age 19. Then, I was a stay at home mom for the first 11 months of my oldest son’s life. After those 11 months I went back to work full time. So I was a working mom. I was also a military wife at the time. Anyone knows that being a mom within the military life is a different world all its own. Then I was the stay at home mom to two. Then back to work. THEN the big one….I was a single, full time working, part time student mom.

Are you still with me?

Then I was the stay at home mom again. Then we added son #3 and son #4. So now I am the stay at home, homeschooling mom of four.

All this to say, I understand where almost every woman is coming from. I understand the need to feel important to yourself and to the world as something other than “just a mom”. I understand that deep down desire to be the most important person in your child’s world. I understand the wanting to stay at home and be with your children as much as possible. I understand the need to have a life of your own outside your home. I understand that sometimes being a mom can be a drag. I also understand there is no more important job in the world. I also know, that no matter what stage of motherhood I have been in I have ALWAYS had terrible guilt about something. Guilt about dropping my kids off with strangers for nine hours a day. Guilt about not feeding them enough vegetables. Guilt about yelling too much or not paying enough attention. Guilt, it’s what we moms do.

So I am here to say that I know that 99.9% of moms are good moms that only want what is best for their children. I believe in my case that is to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom. What is best for you and your kids? I don’t have a clue. I don’t pretend to know. On the same note, no one outside God, me and my husband can dictate what being a good mom to MY kids looks like.

In the end…..my name is LaShawn. I am just a mom.

I know, how could I possibly have the blues in the summertime, a time of long, sun-filled days, swimming, camping, boating, campfires and leisurely days? Summer is my favorite time of year. The kids are home, the activities are numerous and fun and I get my gardening time in.

Except that none of this is happening, other than the kids being home. So far, this summer vacation has been filled with rain, cool temperatures, doctor’s appointments, dental visits, occasionally listless kids and crazy working hours for me. As a work-from-home freelance writer, I’ve been running at top speed for the past several weeks and it’s starting to catch up with me.

I had all these grandiose plans (OK, so they weren’t exactly grandiose) to have a loose schedule for the five of us, ensuring that we all knew what we were doing when, but I haven’t even had time to think about the schedule, much less make it. In a (possibly semi-misguided) effort to round up more work for the fall when all four of my kids will actually be in school all day, every day, I’ve been running my tail off trying to get clients, assignments, work, etc., as well as working super-hard on my blog. It makes me feel good to be this proactive, but it’s also incredibly time-consuming.

My garden is still completely barren and now it seems like it’s probably too late to plant it. That’s mostly my own fault because I hate the planting part — love everything else, but not that — and so I’ve been putting it off since I’ve been so busy.

My house is not even close to being in the kind of shape it should be most of the time because I’m usually holed up in my office not paying attention to it. (And if you’re under the assumption that I don’t spend any time with my kids, that’s just not the case. They spend a lot of their time in my office with me, often all four of them at once, which is probably a lot of the reason why my work takes much longer than it otherwise would.)

Next week I will be gone on a church-related convention, which will no doubt be a nice breather for me, but I’m going to miss my twins’ 11th birthday while I’m gone, which makes me (and them) sad. By the time I get back home, summer vacation will be 1/3 over!

So, I’m trying to think of my trip as a transition time, of sorts. I’m taking my computer along to squeeze in any work I can, so I’m going to take advantage of the hours on the plane and finally create that loose schedule. Hopefully by the time I get back the weather will finally be conducive to go to the lake and camp out. I’m also going to attempt to get my garden planted this weekend so I can at least get some fruits and vegetables yet this summer.

If I don’t take the reigns here, the summer is going to fly by in the same manner it has been and I’m going to continue in my summertime blues mood, which is not good for anyone. Like everything in life, it’s all about balance, something I need to find ASAP. Time with the kids, time to tend to the house, time for work, time to garden, time to myself…figuring out what fits where is going to be my biggest challenge in the next couple months.

How do you find balance in your life? 

Sarah E. Ludwig is the mom of four mostly wonderful kids, fraternal twin girls (11 next week) and two boys (nearly-7 and 5) and works from home as a freelance writer. They live in a remote area of the country where they can enjoy campfires in their backyard, the kids can sleep in the pop-up camper or tents at night if they want to and there is virtually no traffic of any sort, let alone people, nearby. She also blogs at Parenting By Trial and Error.

My last post here at Larger Families was about my summer childcare/programming dilemma … x 5.  Now that summer’s actually here, it’s time to update and ask how everyone else’s summer is fleshing out.

My oldest daughter (she’s 16) is halfway done with her first week of being gone most of the summer.  She’s such a busy kid already, and not home much, so it doesn’t seem entirely odd to have her gone.  The twins have moved into the room she shares with my 9 year old (the plan is to get the 16 year old’s bedroom in the basement completed by the end of the summer).  The girls are (so far) loving sharing a room.  We’ll see how long that lasts….

My 14yo son is doing well.  Figuring out what to do with him was probably my biggest challenge!  He’s spending 4 mornings a week working out at the high school, and picking up some random landscaping hours, working for his Dad.  There’s still more time in his schedule for computer and videos games than any earthly being needs …. but we’re working on that.

I ended up enrolling my three youngest in daycamp for the three days a week that I work.  Unfortunately, even with the staff discount I get, the fees are more than my part time job affords.  I decided, during the night last night (am I the only one who does their best thinking between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m.?) that losing money to work at my job was causing significantly more stress than it was worth.  I know my girls will be disappointed, because it’s a GREAT program, and they’re having so much fun … but it’s just not working for our family as a whole.

So there you have it, my life in a nutshell:  stress over making plans; make decisions; change plans.  Rinse and repeat. 

But enough about me … Tell me how your summer is going!

Hi there,

I am visiting from our larger family’s blog called Se7en. We have Se7en kids at this stage: four boys, three girls and one pending. We always intended to have se7en kids… and when #7 arrived we looked at each other and knew that we needed, well one more! So #8 is due in September.We don’t feel like a larger family, but since most of our “large-familied” friends have four kids and we will have double that, then I guess we can be called a slightly larger family! We do turn a lot of heads when we venture out in the world and since we don’t fit so well into a cupboard we generally turn a lot of heads!!!Turns out that we really just blog about the life and times of our family: crafts we do, recipes we try and plenty of homeschool resources that have worked for us. We do also post a couple of “Organizing Se7en” posts and we are intending to post some of these posts over here on LargerFamilies.com. Turns out blogging about our day to day life not only provides tips and ideas to other moms but it does blast some of the “larger-family” myths out of the water… Just because your kids are part of a clan doesn’t mean they aren’t individuals, with their own personal purpose and ideas!!!

 So let me introduce the family: There is me: The mother person and my husband: The father person. Followed by the Se7en Little Hoods…Hood #1: Is eleven and he loves writing books and cartoons, and is mad about anything to do with dragons.Hood #2: Is almost 10, he loves all things electronic and anything to do with gadgets: making them or dismantling them.Hood #3: Is just 8, she loves anything pretty and girly and is passionate about paper dolls.Hood #4: Is almost six, he is also our resident artist at least three times more prolific than his nearest sibling rival.Hood #5: Is four and is our celebrity chef and resident cook. He has been contributing to every meal we have had since he was about 18 months old!Hood #6: Is almost three and she is totally wild about animals, the wilder the beast the better! She is always dragging obscure creatures into our house from the garden… frogs, moles, wild ducks…Hood #7: Is nearly 18 months and just loves reading - anything and everything!That’s us for now!

1.  On weekends or other free mornings, your kids inevitably wake up at an unearthly hour, making it difficult, if not impossible, depending on their age, for you to catch a few extra zzs.

2.  Conversely, on school mornings or when they have to get up by a certain time, your kids are sure to be groggy and crabby as you drag them out of their beds.

3.  Your child rarely gets sick, but as soon as you have an important meeting or event, she’s down for the count.

4.  Though he’s been constipated for days, your baby has an outfit-destroying blow-out as soon as you’re in public.

5.  Similarly, your preschooler, who swore up and down she absolutely did not have to go to the bathroom before you left the house, declares that she’s going to wet her pants while you’re in the middle of checking out at the store.

6.  Even though you look to make sure the kids are busy before you make that important phone call, they track you down like mosquitoes to warm blood and demand your immediate attention just as you’ve finished saying, “hello.”

7.  The toy that your child hasn’t so much as glanced at in months is suddenly being mourned as his “favorite” the day after you pitch it.

8.  Everyone is busy and content; however, as soon as you close the bathroom door, they’re frantically pounding, in dire need of your assistance.

9.  The new toy you painstakingly picked out for your daughter’s first Christmas is infinitely less interesting than the box in which it was packaged.

10.  The tissues you carefully and pointedly placed in your son’s pocket to combat his runny nose will invariably be replaced by a much faster and handier alternative — his sleeve.

Got any to add? We’d love to hear ‘em!

Sarah is the mom of four lovely and precocious kids, fraternal twin girls and two boys, and a freelance writer. She’s excited for summer vacation to start because the lack of tight scheduling is much more conducive to her scatterbrained nature, as are the late hours.

* This entry is cross-posted at Parenting By Trial and Error.

This is a cross-post from my blog. I thought people with larger families could most certainly relate!

One of my secrets to happier motherhood? Make your bed.

Or keep your dining room table clear. Or sweep under your dining-room table regularly. Or make sure your dressers aren’t overstuffed with clothes so they don’t shut all the way. The point is, all of us have that one thing (or half a dozen things) that drives us crazy. Whether yours is crumbs on the counter or rooms where half the lightbulbs are burned out, taking care of your biggest crazy-makers (BEFORE they get to the point of making you crazy) sets the whole mood for the day.

For me, that one thing happens to be making my bed. I used to roll out of bed in the morning, look at the rumpled sheets and blankets and think “eh, what’s the difference? I’m just going to be messing it up again in 15 hours.” But I spend a lot of time in my bedroom, even during the day, and I found that every time I went back in, the sight of that unmade bed made me feel…slumpy. It made the house feel messy even if the house wasn’t particularly messy. It made me feel disorganized. And every time I sat on the bed (like I am now with my laptop) I would feel like crawling under the sheets and going back to sleep.

I’m far from being a neat freak, but I began to realize that I require a certain level of cleanliness in order to function. I spend most of my day in my home, and if it feels too messy or cluttered I just want to retreat and watch bad TV instead of being productive. I also realized that it pays to stay on top of mess by constantly straightening up instead of saving it all for some mythical 2-hour stretch when I’ll be able to do a big clean. So four or five years ago I started making my bed every day, as soon as I could after waking up. What a difference. It took a couple of weeks to really get into the habit, but soon I found myself looking forward to making my bed–it feels like tearing out a fresh sheet of notebook paper, clean and crisp and full of possibility. Now, no matter how the rest of the house looks, my bedroom is a neat and pleasant retreat. When I go to bed, it’s so satisfying to pull back the smooth covers instead of climbing into a tangled mess of sheets. And it really makes a big difference in my mood.

I have other “must do” chores, too. For example, I really like my bathroom to look clean (with four boys this means wiping down toilets at least daily) and it’s important to me to have a clean kitchen sink (which I realized after doing FlyLady many years ago). I also Can. Not. Stand. to have couch pillows and throw blankets all over the living room so I stop a few times a day to toss pillows back on the furniture and fold blankets. I call these things my “triggers”—I’m actually crankier to my kids and anxious when my sink is messy or there are sofa pillows on the floor. So I try to stay on top of it through the day—and it all begins with making the bed.

One note, though: I have my older kids do a lot of chores, but I almost never put them in charge of my “trigger” tasks. It’s too important to me that they’re done right–not to mention promptly.

Do you have housecleaning “triggers” that can make or break your mood? What are they? How long did it take you to figure them out?

 –Meagan Francis is the author of Table for Eight and writes regularly about her family here.

I love my clothesline. I really do.  For some reason it is therapeutic to me to hang clothes out to dry.  Maybe it is the sunny, breezy days.  Maybe it is my kids running around as I hang.  Maybe it is the connection I feel with generations of woman who have all laundered the clothing of their families.  It just feels good to me.  That “all is right with the world” feeling when I hang my clothes out on the clothesline.

My family is living, temporarily, on a military base.  It was nice when I first peeked out the back window, of our base housing, to see the playground located so close by.  But when the poles of a clothesline were spotted, it was pure joy!  All it needed was some love, that love would come in the form of a new line to hang the clothes on and we would be all set!  A clothesline.  That settled it.  This would truly be home for the few months of residing here.

So, with a new line set up, all that was needed was some sunny weather.  Finally, we are getting days of sunshine here and there.  I take advantage of them by hanging clothes out to dry.  And it didn’t take too long for me to notice that I am the only one who hangs my clothes out.  Our neighborhood is laid out in a circle, so the backyards all face each other.  This caused my to consider why I hang my clothes out and how I can do it in a way that is not obnoxious.

Here is what I came up with.  I hang my clothes out to dry for the nostalgic reasons mentioned above, but also because it is free to hang clothes out on a line.  It saves electricity.  It saves electricity in two ways, first the dryer isn’t running as much and the air conditioner isn’t running extra to compensate for the extra heat the dryer creates.  This may or may not be an issue for others, depending on where a dryer is located.  For us, that is an issue.

Since my clothes are visible to numerous neighbors, I try to hang the nice looking things toward the neighbors-my cute sheets, the towels and spiffy looking white t-shirts.  That way if they look up, they don’t see my old ugly t-shirt hanging there.  I place the less attractive items on the line behind the nicer looking things.  It does not always work out so well, but I aim for this.  And I don’t hang out personal items.  They don’t need to see my boys underoos or my husband’s boxers-just because I think they look cute on the line, doesn’t mean others would think the same.     

In the times we live, when money is tight, especially for those of us with larger than average families, and environmental resources can be limited, using a clothes line to dry the majority or even part of one’s laundry can be a good solution.  It might not work for every family.  Some housing developments have regulations against clothes lines, some living situations don’t provide a space for hanging clothes to dry.  But it is worth considering for those who can use a clothesline.  It is a responsible choice economically and environmentally. 

*It should be noted that it is not a great idea to leave clothes out on the line when the neighbors are grilling, unless you like your laundry to have that “just grilled” scent.  Yes, this was learned from experience. 

heather@http://becoming-becoming.blogspot.com/ 

For a variety of reasons, we are moving back to Chicago this spring. That means I’m once again looking for housing for myself, my husband, our four boys and now baby Clara. (No pets…yet.)

We’ll be renting for at least a year, so this isn’t a permanent decision by any means. Yet a year can seem like a long time when your home just doesn’t “work”, for whatever reason. Because we’ll be living in a city with a fairly high cost of living, we’re going to have to make some sacrifices, which means deciding what things are must-haves, and what we can live without.

I mused aloud on Twitter that I wasn’t sure whether to rank location above size or vice versa, and got passionate responses on both sides of the debate. Some people are adamant that I’d lose my mind unless we have plenty of space to spread out; others argued that being in a good location is the #1 most important thing. My kids will be using the public schools, so I’m limiting my search to areas with good ones. Within those areas there is a lot of variation between more “fun” neighborhoods with lots of parks within walking distance and easy access to shopping, and neighborhoods that are more spread out and further from common areas but have bigger lots. So I’m trying to decide whethe we’d be happier with a larger private yard or being closer to community parks.

As far as square footage goes: the space aspect did seem important at first, but then I got to thinking. When we lived in a 2000-square-foot home with four bedrooms, one of the bedrooms was NEVER used unless we had guests. Right now we live in a house that’s probably closer to 1400 square feet with three smallish bedrooms, and it doesn’t seem too small at all. The only real issue is that there’s nowhere in the house the kids can go let off steam without me hearing them yelling; but I think that’s due more to the layout than anything. The staircase to the second story is open to the living room, and the bedrooms all open to the staircase, so there’s no hallways or anything to muffle sounds. A separate family room, or preferably a finished basement would be a great “kid hangout” and lower the noise pollution on the main level.

Then there’s the bathroom thing. In theory I know we’d be better off with as many bathrooms as possible. Yet we’ve lived the last 8 months with one bathroom and nothing bad has happened. In fact, last weekend our one toilet got backed up while we had houseguests–a total of 10 people in the house–and it took 12 hours for us to get it unstuck. It wasn’t the end of the world, though my sister and I did have to take kids in carloads to McDonald’s to use the facilities.

Number of bedrooms seems pretty unimportant too. Right now the kids’ room assignments are fluid things; the boys meander back and forth between the two kids’ bedrooms depending on who they’d rather spend time with. Clara sleeps in our room and probably will for another year at least. On the other hand, it sure would be nice to have a fourth or fifth bedroom to use as an office, guest room, etc. Nice…but is it necessary? Or would it sit empty like our fourth bedroom used to?

If you were looking for a home today, how would you prioritize? What can’t you live without? Do you have a set square footage in mind, or do you think layout is more important? To your mind, is the more space the merrier, or do you prefer cozier quarters? Is there a number of bedrooms or bathrooms you absolutely need? I’d love to hear about it!

–Meagan Francis is an author and mom of five. She writes about her family at her blog.

Now that summer vacation is looming, I’m being faced with the prospect of making three meals a day for four children, one of whom is extremely picky. It stresses me out just thinking about it.

I’m not a cook at the best of times, but trying to come up with creative, easy, fast meals that all my kids will like every day during summer vacation is difficult. The standards right now are macaroni and cheese, pizza (frozen and homemade), spaghetti, soup, sandwiches and tacos. When I try something new, at least one of them complains and only eats a bite or two.

So, here’s my challenge to you: Do you have any great, kid-friendly recipes that are fast and easy? That’s a lot of requirements, I know, but if it takes a lot of effort, I won’t do it. I’ve always said that if I could have my choice between a housekeeper and a cook, I’d take the cook a million times over. This feeling has only been reinforced by picky eaters and multiple complaints when I do actually spend time on a new dish.

Please, take pity on a clueless cook and post your recipes here. We can all benefit from new ideas!

Sarah is the mom of 10-year-old twin girls, a 6-year-old boy and a 5-year-old boy. She works from home as a freelance writer and blogs at http://ParentingByTrialandError.com.

* Originally posted at http://parentingbytrialanderror.com

I’ve got a great thing going these days, with the homeschool schedule, girls-in-school schedule and my work schedule all lining up just perfectly. I can even swing most of the sports and other “extra” schedules. I’ve just realized this week, though, that in another 5 or 6 weeks, … Everything. Is. Going. To. Change. And that, frankly, scares the living daylights out of me.

My oldest - there’s really no problem there. She’s nearly 16, and has her entire summer schedule all planned out - to the hour, I think. And most of it includes being at camp for several weeks, and two other week-long trips. We’ll be happy just to see her tired little face - and smell her mountain of dirty laundry - once in a while.

My almost 14 year old, though. Wow. What do you do with a not-terribly-social 14 year old boy? He’s been spending my work days with his grandparents, which has been AMAZING for him, but they will be moving back to the cabin for the season soon. If it weren’t for track season being in full swing, I’d be tempted to send him along with. He doesn’t have a ton of friends, he’s not keen on volunteering, and while he does a good job hanging out and entertaining other kids when he needs to, he doesn’t do so great of a job at it with his younger siblings.

Which brings me to the younger siblings. I’m looking at day camps and summer programs at the YMCA (where I work) and even with my staff discount, any program X 3 is just really …. kind of expensive. I’d like to at least break even with my pay check, you know? Bringing home some income is kind of the point of my working, really. But, I’m still looking at it all and haven’t made any decisions yet. It’s just more than a little anxiety-inducing right now!

So you parents-of-many who work — what do you do for summer childcare? Help a girl out here, please!